Little update from me ; i wont give up

Dear bloggers, Im going crazy these last days.. Ive been a mess, i feel stupid.. And i thought lets share it with you all, maybe i feel better. Dont know why i always have to be perfect. Every morning do my makeup.. Lots a makeup and every morning doing my hair! Now you can think oke but so much girls do that.. I know but my day sucks when i feel ugly, I push myself to be perfect everyday and im getting sick of it.. Really sick! Im so sad when i make photos and the photos turn out to be horrible then my whole day sucks. No one can light up my day, i feel sad , i am mad and i just wanna sleep and think about nothing. Its just annoying to live with myself sometimes! And this weekend was terrible and im so sick of trying to be perfect and make myself look perfect. Im just not happy with myself at this moment and i try too much to put up a smile when i dont feel like smiling. I had a rough time the few last months. I saw so much hospitals and did so many tests and im tired.. just tired, And still i dont know what the fuck is wrong with my body. So much medicine and so much stuff is in my body and for what? Cause i dont know whats wrong? in a month i have surgery they go trough my tummy to look there with a small camera to find if theres something wrong there.. im scared but maybe its a good option to see whats wrong.. so well see dolls. A little update of how im feeling and thats why i had a few days of blogging! Cant tell everything cause thats too personal. And dont get me wrong i LOVE blogging and i LOVE to read the comments that you send me and im thankfull for it. So i feel a little bit better now:) Have a great night/day dolls! I have a new outfit post planned tomorrow! LOVEYOU ALL XOXO mirjam